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    Brutal Honesty

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    elanya
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    Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 08:18 am

    Vedran sat on his bedroll, rolling the little bouquet between his fingers. It wasn't anything fancy, just gathered from the sorts of things available, and he was trying not to think too hard about its composition. It was pretty; it was sweet.

    He'd asked Warryn, who'd smirked and shaken his head when he'd seen the new offering laid out on Vedran's bedroll, if he'd mind giving him a chance to talk to Aleyn. Now he was waiting, figuring out all the things he should say.
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    Curtana
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 08:59 am

    Aleyn headed to the tent, thinking he should get his goggles to show to Roscoe, since the warforged had earlier expressed an interest in seeing how they worked. He ducked inside and was confronted by the sight of Vedran sitting there, holding the flowers he'd left there before dinner. He froze briefly - he hadn't said anything about the little tokens, and the previous two had just disappeared with no word from Vedran, so he wasn't sure what he'd made of them.

    "Hey," he said with a nervous smile. "So... you got those, then."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 09:21 am

    He looked up when the sorcerer entered, smiling. He was a little nervous himself, but he hoped that for now at lest he could seem reassuring. "I got one other set... I think Sparky might have happened to the first? Thank you, they're really nice - not the sort of thing people often do for me."


    Last edited by elanya on 28/06/12, 12:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 09:25 am

    "That's too bad," Aleyn said. "I mean, about Sparky, but also... you deserve nice things, so it's a shame if you don't get them more often. Um, and you're welcome," he added, trying to keep calm and avoid babbling.
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 09:37 am

    Vedran smiled more broadly, but there was something thoughtful, or perhaps a little wistful about it. Really, Aleyn's self-consciousness was endearing, but he felt a little bad about putting him on the spot. "I didn't mean to catch you off guard... but can we talk? Warryn's going to be out for a while."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 09:48 am

    "Sure." Aleyn's heart was in his throat as he sat down across from Vedran. "We can talk whenever you want, like I said that time..." He tried not to get caught up in thinking about the rest of that evening. "Um, what I mean is, I'm happy to listen," he said with a hesitant smile. "Or talk. Or whatever."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 11:41 am

    He drew his knees up so they would be a little less cramped, looking down at the bouquet again. Some of the flowers were starting to wilt - he'd probably been handling them too much - and he set it down.

    "Things have change for me a little since the last time we, ah, talked." He flashed another smile, but his expression was generally thoughtful. "I haven't really talked about it, because things aren't anywhere near finalized, but I am going to be getting a divorce. I know you really like me... and I like you too, I do, but things are really difficult for me right now. Maybe you don't think it's anything that you couldn't handle, but I don't think you really understand what my life is like. And I need you to to - at least to understand that I'm not in a position to have everything that I might want."


    Last edited by elanya on 28/06/12, 12:39 pm; edited 2 times in total
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 11:48 am

    "Well, if you want me to understand what your life is like, then you need to explain it to me," Aleyn said softly, looking into Vedran's eyes. "Because I want to try to understand. And... I'd like to try to give you some of what you want, even if it's not everything. If I can. If you'll let me. Because I think you're pretty great," he concluded, blushing slightly.
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 12:24 pm

    Ahh the eyes - they were a trap, but he didn't really want to look away, anyway, so he didn't right away, blushing a little himself. But he couldn't maintain it when he started to actually try and explain himself, and the heat in his cheeks then was as much from shame and embarrassment as anything else. "I told you before that... I'm messed up, and... that's still true. A lot of things, my feelings, are really confusing, and I don't know how to fix them. Its baggage I don't want to carry, but I don't know how to get rid of it, if I even can, but... it would make things difficult."

    He looked up then, because while the next part was still hard, it wasn't personal in the same way. "The other things is - even without that - my life is really political. I have responsibilities to my family, and my House, and they're important to me. What this divorce is really for is, well, to find someone who'll be a better match." His gaze dropped again, and he toyed with the flowers some more. "That's really hard for me to think about right now. But it is going to happen, and it means that I can't be seen to be with anyone."

    He paused before adding, "I know that's a lot to think about, but its important to me to be honest."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 12:43 pm

    Aleyn nodded, trying to absorb all of what Vedran had said. He was right, it was a lot to think about. "Honest is good," he agreed, mulling things over, looking down at Vedran's hands holding the flowers. "I appreciate it."

    He took a deep breath, trying to compose his thoughts. "For the first part... I don't know exactly how you think you're messed up, but ... I've dealt with guys before who were pretty confused in some ways, and I'm not afraid of that. Either you work through the problems, or you find ways to work around them. You do as much as you can, because even if it doesn't all go perfectly, it's the trying that's important. If..." He hesitated, not sure how explicit to be with Vedran. "If all you can do right now is be close and hold someone, then that's a good start."

    "The other stuff... I don't know much about politics, but I know about families and responsibilities, and I know they're important, and that it can be hard to ignore them. And if... if they want you to get married to someone else, well, maybe that's a long way away. I would hope it would be to someone who would make you happier, though, at the least... I guess what I'm saying is, you deserve to be happy." He reached out and wrapped his hand around Vedran's. "And if that's something I can help with, great. And if it's not, then... tell me it's not, and I'll stop, I won't say anything about it again."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 12:56 pm

    It was a matter of will not to flinch away from that touch. He was trying to do the right thing, be honest, find some balance, work through his confusion and guilt. "I don't know. I have a hard time feeling like I have any right to look for that kind of happiness right now. I'm worried that... I don't know. That I'm just using you. It doesn't seem fair to pile this all on you, when I don't know what I have to offer in return." He looked back up, letting himself her trapped in those green eyes again. "I know I do like you. I just don't trust myself to know what that means."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 01:33 pm

    "Well, one thing it means is you're not using me. If you were, you wouldn't care - you wouldn't be worried about it, and you sure wouldn't be talking to me about whether you were or not. I... I know what it's like to be used, and this doesn't feel the same at all." He glanced aside for a moment, but then brought his gaze back to meet Vedran's blue eyes, stroking his thumb distractedly across Vedran's knuckles. "And when you care about someone, you don't do things for them because you expect something in return - you do it because they're your friend, and you want to help them. And if someday they can help you when you need it, that's great, but that's not why you did it in the first place. It's love, Vedran, not a business deal."

    Aleyn bit his lip, wondering if he'd made a mistake by mentioning love quite this early, but he pressed on regardless. "I'm not going to lie to you and say it would make me perfectly happy to have to hide ... whatever this might become, or to sneak around in order to spend time with you, or to have to pretend like nothing's changed even if it has. It wouldn't be easy on me, on either of us. I can't guarantee that it would work out. But if that's how it has to be... I'd rather have that chance that maybe it does work out than nothing at all."

    He fell silent after such a long speech, waiting nervously to see what Vedran would say, bracing himself for the worst, but hoping for something better.
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 02:40 pm

    He nodded slowly, catching Aleyn's fingers. "I may have been married for over two years now - but I really don't have any real experience with relationships, not really, not like what you're talking about. I don't know what I'm doing. And..." He trailed off, thinking again. But it did, he decided, matter to him. "I can't do this now - not when everything is all still up in the air, before I've even told the rest of my friends about the divorce, let alone anyone else."
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by Curtana on 28/06/12, 02:52 pm

    "Well, I only have one to draw on, really. And I don't know that you can translate from one relationship to another anyway - everyone's different, so you have to learn things new every time." He squeezed Vedran's hands. "You tell whoever you have to tell, and then... you know where to find me. I'll be waiting." He leaned closer, pressing his lips softly to the corner of Vedran's mouth.
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    Re: Brutal Honesty

    Post by elanya on 28/06/12, 03:09 pm

    Vedran turned in to the kiss, the thrill of being desired outweighing the guilt of his own desire, parting his lips. He forced himself to pull back before things got too intense, quietly pleased at his self-control, and smiled apologetically, sorry that he couldn't offer anything more for the moment. "Alright. I'll know where to find you."

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