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    Sympathy for the Devil

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    Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 11:31 am

    Although she had been dreading it, the second leg of the voyage was somewhat easier on Kallista than the first part had been. Within a few hours they were out of the reach of the Shadowfell, and by the end of the second day she found that her seasickness had trailed off to a reasonable level of constant low-grade nausea, which allowed her to get her first decent night's sleep in a week. By the morning of the third day she seemed to be mostly herself again, although even now there was a glint of something different, something dark, in her eye, as though the Shadowfell's dark tendrils still caressed the deepest parts of her mind.

    That morning she went for a stroll along the deck, smiling at the sailors as best she could. When she reached the foredeck she saw Tzesira standing out near the bow, sitting cross-legged on a crate, looking out over the deep blue ocean as it slipped past the ship. Kallista knew enough to not disturb her when she was meditating, so she quietly came up next to her and sat on a nearby barrel, waiting for the Shadar-Kai to acknowledge her.
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 11:59 am

    When she's been alone in her cell, it had been really easy to hang on to that feeling of balance. She'd heard it described before, and sometimes she thought she might have felt it.... In fact for a long time, before she'd been sent to join the Explorer's Union, she'd thought she had found it, but that illusion had only gotten her in trouble in the long run.

    But it had been real. She'd felt calm and at peace, focused despite everything. When she'd rejoined her friends, she'd still felt that sense of purpose, and even in the second fight, she hadn't felt overwhelmed. She'd drawn on her rage, but she'd controlled it, and not the other way around. But the excitement and adrenalin that came with victory were too exhilarating, and she'd been feeling that calmness slip away. She knew she should fight to hold on to it, that it was what would make her into the instrument her masters desired.

    But she didn't think she was ready yet, not quite ready, to embrace it. There was still more to master - but now she understood the goal a little better. Maybe she should go back home for a bit, to see if she could recapture it there, to talk to Dzen, if he would see her. But not just yet. When they got back to Highmark, maybe. For now, there were too many distractions. Hanrak was chief among them - she didn't *want* to be calm, she wanted to thrive on the thrill of that new excitement. But there were other things too.

    Collecting her thoughts and energies back into herself, she looked over at Kallista and grinned.

    "Hey Kay - not puking your guts up today?"
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 12:19 pm

    Kallista smiled at her friend.

    "No, I'm a bit better today. Still not a hundred percent, though."

    She sighed and looked away for a moment, out over the sea.

    "I need to tell you something" she said quietly.

    "When I was in that cell..." she shivered at the memory, "I could feel it. The Shadowfell. The black void surrounding me. Just the way you described it. Like drowning."

    She looked up again, into Tzesira's eyes.

    "It was horrible."

    She shivered again.

    "I understand now."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 12:30 pm

    She nodded - she had guess as much when she and Delona had pulled her, sobbing and cringing, out of her darkened cell.

    "Yeah, I was worried for a bit, but you got your shit together in the fight. Set that bitch on fire pretty good, anyway."

    She paused, realizing that maybe a little more follow-up was needed. "You doin' okay now?"
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 12:47 pm

    "I don't know..." she shrugged, "I can still feel it there... somewhere in my mind. It's gotten better since we left the shadowfell, but... I don't know."

    She sighed and slumped her shoulders.

    "I lost, T. I wasn't strong enough. I gave in to it. And then in the fight... the only thing that brought me out of the depths of it was rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. All my life I've worked to suppress that side of me... the devil side... and just like that it all came out. I wanted to kill something. Anything. I think if the captain lady hadn't disappeared on us I might have torn her throat out with my teeth."

    She put a hand lightly on her friends arm.

    "It's the easiest way to fight it, isn't it? With anger."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 01:45 pm

    "Sometimes its the only way, Kay. We're an angry bunch. But there's other ways. Some people use pain, or lust... or, you know, both together. Those are the easy ones, that most people go for. Anything that'll get your adrenalin going."

    She paused. "We're not scared of death. Well, fuck, I don't know about those assholes in Thanatopolis, but *real* shadar-kai aren't scared of death. So you just fight as hard as you can until something ends you. There's always something out there tougher than you, and eventually you'll find it, or maybe you'll just fuck up, or maybe some assholes will send a huge fucking boatload of pirates after you, whatever. We don't live long lives, mostly. There are other ways.... but they're harder. A lot fucking harder. There's a few people - just a handful out of hundreds -at the monastery that I don't even know how old they are. Fucking old. There's not many like that, but enough for them to point and say ' look, that's how its fucking done."

    She shook her head - her own thoughts were leaking out again. "You're not weak Kay.

    You were strong enough, even if you don't like where it came from. The 'fell messes with your head, and I know you've got a lot of shit to deal with. Bitch probably deserved to have her throat torn out - I'd a done it if I coulda found her. Its not like you turned on anyone. You let it go once shit was over, and kept it fucking together. Being so hard on yourself is just another fucking trick it uses."


    Last edited by elanya on 05/03/12, 04:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 04:27 pm

    Kallista nodded, sitting quietly for a moment as she digested what her friend had said.

    "I can't imagine the kind of strength that it would take to master something like that. I was only there for less than a day and I almost couldn't take it. I never realized how strong you have to be just to survive from day to day."

    She shook her head to clear it and smiled.

    "Anyway, I think It's getting better now that we're away from there. I don't know if I'll be wanting to go back for a vacation anytime soon, though."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 04:47 pm

    "Yeah, fair. You should shake it soon."

    She hopped up on the crate, stretching out her limbs.

    "I might go back for a bit after we're though with this job. Need to take care of some shit, I think."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 04:52 pm

    Kallista nodded.

    "I understand. If there's anything I can do..."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 04:54 pm

    "Nah, I'm cool, Kay. Just need to talk to my masters about some shit."

    She paused, then grinned toothily.

    "Course, by the time we get back, we might be up for level fuckin five! No fuckin' way I'm gonna miss that shit."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 05:23 pm

    Kallista smiled and elbowed her friend.

    "You better not!" she said, "We wouldn't stand a chance without you."

    She looked out at the ocean.

    "It must be nice to have a place to go to where they know what you're going through... where they know what it's like to have to deal with your dark side."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 05:37 pm

    Tzesira chuckled. "No kidding you fuckin' wouldn't." She considered for a moment, continuing her stretching. "They know what its like, yeah, but it's not like they're holding our fucking hands, either. It's all sink or swim. I dunno for you though. Must be some other Tieflings though? That aren't in some fucked-up cult?"


    Last edited by elanya on 05/03/12, 05:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 05:45 pm

    Kallista laughed.

    "Maybe. I don't know. I've never really talked with any tieflings outside of Bael Hexott. I guess I've been kinda scared to. Maybe I should start. If there's one thing I learned in the Shadowfell it's that I can't ignore that part of myself forever. Someday I'm gonna have to come to terms with it. One way or another."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by elanya on 05/03/12, 07:04 pm

    "Yeah, you'll be okay though. If those other tieflings give you any trouble though, just let me know - you know I'd kick their asses for ya." She grinned again. "I mean, not that they will. But just in case."
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    Re: Sympathy for the Devil

    Post by tuck on 05/03/12, 07:18 pm

    Kallista put her arm around her friend.

    "I know you would, T", she said with a smirk, "Thanks."

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